I Can't
by Jackie8675309
Summary: Just read the story if you're okay with some feels.
1. Chapter 1

(Dan's POV)

I wrote the note with care. All I could think about was Phil. His glowing eyes, his white smile. How could I stand leaving him? It was the only way to end my pain. But what pain would that give him and all of my family? They

wouldn't want me hurting or suffering the way I am now would they? A year streaked down my cheek and onto the old notebook page. I had to. I folded the page and put it in the envelope with Phil's name on it.

I would put it under his room door tonight once he was asleep and then I would do it so he wouldn't see any of it. More tears came flowing into the paper. I wiped them away and inhaled deeply. I had everything ready.

My plan; my note; and my mind.

Once it was about 12, I slipped the note silently under the door. I whispered, "Goodbye Phil.I'll miss you buddy."I walked back to my room and closed the door quietly as tears once again streaked down my face.

I got my knife from my drawer and looked at my reflection in it before swiftly plunging it into my chest. _I had to._ I fell to my knees as my blood ran down my body and onto the floor. I dropped completely to the ground

and slowly felt my life trickling away. My last words to Phil today rang in my head. 

_**"Thank you for this extraordinary life."**_

That entire world slipped away into the blissful silence of eternal peace.


	2. Silent goodbyes

I ran. I... I couldn't even think. My mind was set on one thing. Dan. I never finished the note. I knew what it meant. I opened his door and saw the horrific scene in front of me. Dan lay on his side, a knife in his abdomen. Blood was pooling around him.I  
ran over and put his head in my lap. He was still breathing. I called the ambulence and they said they'd be here as fast as possible. That wasn't fast enough  
"Phil. I'm sorry." I shook my head as tears streaked down my face. "It's okay, you'll be okay. Just stay awake. Okay, Dan? Stay with me." I tried to keep him awake, but my efforts weren't good enough. His eyes slowly started to droop. I could hear the  
sirens of an ambulance. "Dan!? Dan! No! Please! Stay awake, you have to stay awake!" I looked into the almost lifeless brown eyes of my best friend. No, my brother.  
"Thank you."  
Werehis final words. His eyes slipped shut for good and he was unresponsive. The medics came in and tried to keep him alive, but was soon announced dead on scene. They left with his body and I was left in a pool of Dan's blood.

My best friend was gone.

Forever.


	3. Reality

I know this is really important, but I don't know how to explain Dan on apiece ofpaper. There is no amount of words that could describe him. What he meant to me. So as I wrote the eulogy, I thought of every word I could think of to describe  
Dan.

 **Dan was well, Dan. He smiled on hisdarkest days and frowned in his brightest moments. It's actually kind of funny how one of your best friends should be able to know everything about you. But when the time comes, you realize how you could never truly define a person with only words. Because when it comes down to it, words don't mean a thing. The person saying those words is what matters. Dan is indescribable in every way. That's okay because every person is. That's one thing that makes ushuman. When Dan moved in and ever since, he has lit up my life and made me feel that there is a purpose to life. Dan is everything I could have asked for and even more. We'll all miss him and cry for him, but in the end, he really didn't want any of us to be sad, but rather okay. He was having a bad time and he told me he doesn't like seeing others sad and that he especially hates it when he's the reason for their sadness. He was told by some people that it makes them sad to see him sad. He merely felt this as being the only way to end his sadness. He did it for us.**

 ****

I started to cry again. Today was the day before the funeral. My suit was laying out on my bed and I was scared to put it on. It would give me the sense of really letting himgo. I decided to finally get up and eat something. I went to the kitchen  
and passed Dan's room on the way. I stopped right in front of it and took a deep breath. It was hard to sleep last night, not hearing Dan's pacing in the middle of the night. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, grabbing an apple and some  
milk for my coffee. I opened the cabinet to see all of Dan's coffee mugs. Like the one with whiskers and a nose spot. My mother gave that to him. I heard a knock on the door and walked to answer it. The person at my door was Dan's little brother,  
Adrian. "Hey, what's up?" I let him in and poured some coffee. "Want some coffee?" He shook his head and sat at the counter. "Just checking up on you. No one's heard from you in a while. My mom is still upset and she doesn't want any of his  
stuff because it'll make her really upset. Plus we have nowhere to put it. I guess you get all of it." I nodded absentmindedly. "So this means I can just leave his stuff in his room." He nodded. Okay then. "So what have you been doing lately?" He  
asked. "Writing the eulogy for tomorrow. Have you decided to say anything at the funeral?" He shook his head again and I sipped my coffee. The awkward silence kicked in and he tried to start a conversation. "So I'll see you tomorrow and I can't wait  
to hear what the eulogy says." I nodded and said goodbye as he walked out of the door. I closed behind him and turned, looking at my lonely apartment. It was so unusually quiet, it made me feel empty. I grabbed my camera and sat on the floor, mounting  
the camera on its stand. I turned it on and hit record. "Hey guys. I'm sorry and I know a tragedy has just occured, so I'm gonna be taking a short break and I'll see you soon." I turned it off and connected it to my computer. Then I uploaded it to  
youtube. This was when I sat on the couch and ate in silence, by myself.

This was my future.


	4. 4 The Funeral

I went down the hall and stopped in front of his room. _What will I do without him_? I asked myself. Now that Dan's gone, I have no flat mate and I have no one to do a day in the life. Most importantly is I don't have a friend. My life feels so  
/empty without him. I walked into my room and looked at the clothes on my bed. His funeral is today and the service afterwards is at my flat. I had been getting all of the food ready just before now. I still had three hours till I had to go. I got  
dressed and went back to the kitchen to eat the leftovers from the food that was already prepared. 

*3 hours later* 

I got picked up by my mum and we went to the church in Manchester. I had a few tears in my eyes, but didn't let them slip out. Once there, I saw Dan's mum and brother in front on the stairs. I sort of rushed to get to them. Once there, Dan's mum gave  
me a hug. She wasn't a tall person like Dan, but nearly as strong as him. I hugged her back and smiled glumly. "How are you Phil?" She asked in a scratchy tone. "Holding it together. I am just concerned for you and you son ma'am. How are you?" She  
gave a smile. "Doing as well as I can. I'm so upset. I feel that there's something that I could have done to help him." A tear streaked her pale face. That's what almost broke me. "There's nothing anyone could've done. Not even me." That actually  
seemed to reassure her more than I thought it would. We all went inside and sat in the front row. On the alter was Dan's coffin. That's what broke me.


End file.
